Keep Calm and Know …

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I put them in a car to spend their first weekend away from me. It didn’t matter that the person they were leaving with was their dad. They were 2 and 4 years old and I had legitimate concerns. Would their hair get brushed in the morning and would he know how to attach the all essential hair bow in that mane of hair ? Would their clothes match all weekend? Would they eat the right things? Would they be afraid at bedtime because I wasn’t there to tuck them in? Would they sleep OK in a bed they weren’t used to? Would they play in the street or fall off a swing or skin their knees or get eaten by a pack of hungry mountain lions?? Would they miss me as much as I missed them?

And a little voice deep within my soul gently whispered to me, “It’s OK. You’re their mom but I AM God.”

It was kindergarten registration. I sat with my sweet little 5 year old boy on my lap in a tiny little chair that I’m not sure I would’ve fit in comfortably even if I was 5. As I sat and watched other parents come in and out of the room with big old smiles on their faces , anticipating the freedom that was about to ensue in their lives as their kid finally started school, I sat with tears streaming down my face. Oh I was about to go into the full out ugly cry right there in front of 24 other beaming parents and God Himself. Then the sweet kindergarten teacher came and sat next to me, patted me on the knee and said she understood how difficult it can be when it’s time to send your first born to school. I looked at her with tears welling up into big Lake Michigan sized puddles in my eyes and said ,”He’s my FOURTH child!!” Then I proceeded to release the dam of tears that was blocking my vision from filling out the mountain of paperwork required to send your precious baby to school. Would he make friends? Would he be too shy to even say a word? Would he eat his lunch? Would he fall off the monkey bars during recess ? Would other kids make fun of him? Would he get eaten by a pack of hungry mountain lions roaming the playground? (Those darn west Georgia mountain lions!! They need to leave my kids alone!!)

Then a little voice deep within my soul gently whispered to me, “It’s OK. You’re the mom but I AM God.”

We were standing out on the front porch, about to go shopping for this , that and the other when she looked up at me and very matter of factly said these words. “ I know I’m only 13, but I’m pretty sure that if I could drive, I could completely take care of myself and have my own house, pay my own bills and all that.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at my darling baby girl. This wasn’t a fit of teenage rage, mad at me and wanting to be away from her family as soon as possible. She was a 13 year old girl wanting me to know that she felt she could handle life on her own one day. I loved her spirit of confidence and independence but the thought of my first born child on her own, away from me, doing her own thing….forever…..well. Was she really ready to face those pesky mountain lions? I wanted to cry….she was growing up too quickly.

Then a little voice deep within my soul gently whispered to me, “It’s OK. You’re the mom but I AM God.”

The music started. It was a familiar tune . My vision blurred. Babies in long black robe – like garments with weird looking hats on their heads began marching in from the other side of the football field. Oh wait….they’re not babies. They’re full grown mini-adults finishing high school … or college. Ready to make their marks on this big old world. Ready to face life’s challenges and excitements and adventures. On their own. Without their momma’s by their sides. I’ve done this five times now (3 high school graduations, 2 college graduations) and I still have at least 2 more to go. Will it ever get easier? Will I ever be able to watch my children pack up and leave the safety of our home without getting a big old lump in my throat? Will I ever stop having mini panic attacks when I think about those proverbial “mountain lions” waiting to pounce on my kids and devour them whole?

Then a little voice deep within my soul, One I’m way more familiar with now that I’m older, gently whispered to me, “It’s OK. You’re a good mom. But I AM a GREAT God.”

I am Mom……not God.

Let me tell myself that again, just one more time.

 I AM MOM…..NOT GOD!!!!

Ok, so I yelled it that time but sometimes I just need that loud reminder that as a parent, there comes a time when I just have to trust that I’ve done a decent-ish job as mom and let go and trust God with the rest.

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When they want to drive a car…..God is riding shot gun.

When they want to go off to college and haven’t invited me to be their roomie….God is there with them.

When they have to make those first grown up decisions and they don’t want my opinion….God is waiting to guide them.

When they become parents themselves and they see Mom through new eyes…….God gently starts this process with them.

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And a gentle voice will speak into their souls just as gently and persistently as He did mine, “You are Mom ( or Dad). And I am God.”

 

Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!”..Luke 1:45

 

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9 responses »

  1. Oh my Becky, where are the tissues!! That is beautiful and yes, I still have trouble with my baby girl living in Alaska with her 3 beautiful babies. Each day before I rise I pray that they are safe during the day coming and going, that Aiden doesn’t eat anything with peanuts because he is allergic and does he have his epi-pen and does he know how to use it if he needs to and on and on and on!! Then you send this to remind me Yes, I am the mom/grandmom but He Is God and I am so very thankful for Him In My Life!

    • I hope my children are as grateful for my faith as I am. Because I’m pretty sure without the knowledge that these kids of mine are GODS first, I’d be on their doorsteps and up in their business sooooooo much more. Regardless of what they think, I show incredible restraint 🙂 I can’t imagine having a child as far away as Alaska. Do you EVER stop praying for them? How do you find time to do anything else? 🙂

  2. Awesome blog!!! Read it out loud to John and kept getting tears in my eyes. I know those feelings and will soon know what it’s like when they start to graduate. 😦

    • Thanks Julie! I wrote this in a whirlwind….zipped it right on to the page. Completely dry eyed. They were just words. Then I posted it and sat back and read it as a reader…..and all those memories God poured into me as I was writing came flowing right back out my eyeballs!! Every time I come back and read it, I start crying! It’s such a short amount of time until Noah graduates ….3 more years. Do you know how quickly 3 years passes? :::sigh::: Anyway, thanks for reading me….and for sharing 🙂

  3. When I read the first sentence a few days ago when you posted this, I said ‘I’m not ready to read this’. So I waited until this morning. And I’m still weepy! And for your information, we both struggled with the hair bows until Megan so confidently showed us both how to operate them!

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